I’ve discovered something. Over the past few weeks, I have been doing the kind of unscientific research that would make my empirical methods professor highly disappointed. In the least quantifiable way possible, I’ve been talking to some female friends in my life and asking them one simple question: “What’s the first thing that you notice in a man when you first meet him?”
Frankly, I was quite surprised by two things: the answers were all the same, and it wasn’t the answer that I was expecting. I’ve read about many claims: from shoes to hair to general grooming, but none of those were the first things that the women I spoke to noticed. So what was it? What was the surprising discovery that turned my initial thoughts on their head?
Your eyes and your smile are the first thing a woman notices about you.
This can either be a wonderful thing for you, or it could be your worst nightmare. What if my teeth aren’t perfect? What if I don’t like the color of my eyes? These are the types of questions that could be going through your head, and they are preventing you from the confidence you ought to exude.
Aristotle, Plato, da Vinci and others throughout history have said, “the eyes are the windows to the soul” and we know that the mouth is the doorway to our mind.
As I begin to consider this more, the thing that really blew me away about all of this was that it has nothing to do with what we do, but rather it’s a deeper indication of who we are and how we feel inside.
Now at first this sounds trite, but in my experience this is extremely true. Your emotions flow through your eyes and your thoughts through your mouth; in a way, it’s uncontrollable. It’s natural. It’s just…human.
The mouth and the eyes can communicate a vast amount of information in just a glance. Are you aware what you are communicating?
Have you ever just looked into a mirror? What you look like when you’re happy? What do you look like when you’re sad? When you’re angry? When you’re frustrated? These things flow through your eyes and your mouth and out into the world.
If you’ve never done this, bare with me and just do it as a simple exercise. Look into the mirror and smile. Smile with your mouth and then smile your eyes. What does this feel like? What muscles are moving and how does it feel to hold these muscles there? Now remove the smile from your mouth and just smile with your eyes. Can you see how that feels? Can you see the intensity and calm that you’re communicating?
That look; that look, right there, is confidence.
Does it change how you feel? My whole demeanor changes. I become calm. Cool. Collected. All the things I need to be when I’m under pressure.
Confidence is one of the single strongest qualities among people. It’s the thing that says, “I’ve got this”, even when everything around you is just falling apart. It makes you a rock; a gravity point; a point of safety, and it makes you attractive.
When you’re in a crowd and you’re scanning the room, often times you accidentally locked eyes with someone. Your initial reaction, like mine, is probably to look away quickly, but don’t do that.
If you catch a woman looking at you, hold her gaze, and acknowledge her.
I personally just smile and nod. Holding her gaze communicates that you are not afraid and that you are confident in yourself. The smile indicates that you are warm and welcoming; that you’re friendly in a simple way. That you’re kind. In fact, this works for anyone that you might meet. I personally find that with men, I tend to be sterner. Perhaps this is some stoic hold over of an era I used to admire, or perhaps this was learned through years in business meetings. Either way, it’s me. It’s who I am communicated through my eyes and my smile.
Now think again to your eyes and your smile. What are they saying about you? Is that who you want to be?